Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
