if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
