She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
