i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
