I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
