Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
