So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
