Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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