I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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