y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize