i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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