tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
