Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
