Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
