Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
