I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
