My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
