you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize