There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
