Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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