Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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