please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
