I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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