If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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