he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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