Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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