a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
