I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
