I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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