i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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