Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
