I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
