Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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