3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
