I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
