dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
time to smoke my breakfast
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
