Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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