Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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