Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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