Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
