i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
