dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
