I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
