i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
