Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize