Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
