I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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