I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
