Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
