After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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