sorry about calling you the devil all night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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