remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
