just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
