you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
