Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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