remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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