i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
