I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
