I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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