I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
