Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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