and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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